Due Date: The Planes Trains and Automobiles of 2010

Tagline: Leave Your Comfort Zone

Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Zach Galifianakis, Michelle Mohaghan Jamie Foxx, Juliette Lewis

Synopsis: Peter Highman needs to go to LA fast to be there for the birth of his first born child. But after being put on the “no fly list” he must travel across country with the man that helped put him on the no fly list Ethan Tremblay.

My Take: I felt like I was watching the classic 80s John Hughes hit “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.” I mean hell its practically the same. A high strung character matched up with a overweight kind of easy going wacky person with a sad past and along the way silly shenanigans happen to them...but at the end they become friends. Sounds very similar…Except for the heart…PTA (as I will call for it this review) had the heart that John Hughes put into every one of his movies…The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, and of course PTA amongst others.  Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that Due Date was bad because it didn’t have heart. No it was very funny and I found myself laughing all the way through…but the moments it was suppose to have the heart and the awww moments it just missed the mark.

                Now the film was directed by Todd Phillips, the same man that directed classics like; Old School, Starsky and Hutch, and last summer’s comedic hit The Hangover so you know you’re in for 90 minutes of absolute hilarity and great times and this movie certainly does not let you down. From the beginning you will laugh constantly at the mismatched couple and things they go through. The always snarky Downey Jr with his line deliveries and actions will always leave you laughing…the scene where he was watching the two kids while Zach was buying weed, absolutely hilarious. Don’t get me wrong Zach Galifianakis was good and had his funny moments with awkward stature and lines too but Downey Jr. stole the movie. Scene after scene there is either physical comedy, spoken comedy, or something outrageous happening to them. But aforementioned where the moments where it was suppose to tug at the heart strings and make you feel empathy for the characters you barely do…made you feel like you they through it in there to balance the movie. But while it lacks in some of those warm feeling it makes up with hilarity.

                                                                            *SPOILER*

Fav. Scene: Well it was very hard to pick just one but I did it. When Highman and Tremblay are trying to sleep in the car and turns out that Trembley was masturbating next to him and then his dog started.

Final Thought: See it in theaters…see it on DVD…doesn’t matter how you see it…just see it. Get your friends together get some tasty treats refreshing drinks and get yourself ready for a road trip…be prepared to laugh for 2236 miles.

                I give it 4½ Cherry Cheese Danishes.

Human Centipede....100% Medically Mind Numbing

Tagline: Thier Flesh is His Fantasy; 100% Medically Accurate

Cast: Dieter Laser, Ashley C. Williams, Ashlynn Yennie, Akihiro Kitamura, Andreas Leupold, Peter Blankenstein

Synopsis: Two tourists (Shockingly enough) young American women on a Euro trip decid to go a German Club which on the way get a flat tire and are helped by a Dr Heiter…who shockingly enough is a “mad” dr. Who uses the 2 girls and also a captured china man to make a Human Centipede by medically attaching their mouths to each others Anus….let the FUN begin?

My Take: I first heard about this movie on The Free Beer and Hot Wings Show, a Radio show on our local rock station, they were talking about how “shocking it was”. So I had to see it, as my mind is sick and twisted and enjoy seeing crazy stuff like this in cinema. And what I saw was independent film trying to by shocking but not push the boundary. It was kind of fresh to see a film leave some of the gross stuff to the imagination. Now I’m not saying you don’t see the post surgery product itself but if this was a Major release film by major production company, they would try and compete with saw and you would end up seeing the sowing of mouth to anus uncensored and they would probably put a lot of other stuff we didn’t really have to see in it.

            *spoilers* Now to my dismay and what lead to me wanting to see this movie..is ultimately the downfall of this movie. This movie is neither shocking nor disturbing. Now I know I said earlier that it was refreshing not see the sick stuff. But a movie that was made to shock, disturb, and overall give you a feeling of dismay left you feeling unfazed.  Hell in test screenings people walked out cause some scenes were considered too controversial. But the most shocking part is the fact that people got so uppity. Compared to what is scene in movies like Saw, Hostel, and the Lucio Fulci films this movie is like watching Sharktopus. The story could have made it really creepy and disturbing…but the Dr who used to separate Siamese twins but then decided to make one is not that heinous and the only moment I found remotely disturbing was when the Chinese man Yelled in Chinese “I gotta SHIT!”  and the Dr encourages it by yelling “feed her YES!!! FEED HER.” The Dr keeping it as a pet I found kind of funny because instead of fighting back…which they could have several times I mean just because you have someone attached to your ass does not mean you can’t fight back. And he was really acting like it was dog. He took the “Centipede” in his back yard and tried to train it, he kept it in a cage at night, fed it off the ground pet it like a dog.

Fav. Scene: When the anesthesia was being injected into the China man, He turned into a Scat Man

WTF moment: When the detective sees the “Centipede” for the first time and instead of radioing for back up are medical help he steps back and runs toward his partners location.

Lesson learned: Just like in Hostel, Touristas, and several other films of this nature… if you are overseas  and some seemingly nice looking stranger offers you a drink or help…never EVER except it because you may find yourself being tortured, having your organs harvested and sold, or worse yet…being sown to someone anus..being forced to eat……his doo doo.

Final Thought:  for the media buzz this movie got for being shocking and controversial…it was very tame. The overall product seemed shallow with a mild and unexciting story. At the end you felt bad for the girl not because of what happened to her but where she is left in the movie. If you must see this movie then do so…otherwise…stay away….stay very far away

            I give it 1/2 cherry Cheese Danish

Resident Evil Afterlife...they should have left it extinct

Tagline:          Experience a new dimension of Evil

Cast:                Milla Jovivich,  Ali Larter, Wentworth Miller, Kim Coates, Shawn Roberts, Sergio Peris-Mencheta, Spencer locke, Boris Kodjoe, Sienna Guillory, Kacey Barnfield, Norman Yeung, Fulvio Cecere.

Plot:                 Alice returns in the 4^th installment of the resident evil series to stop Umbrella and find survivors along  with fabled land of Arcadia in Alaska, a place untouched by the virus.

My Take:         Let me give you a little history: As a fan of the RE videogames I was stoked when I heard back in 2002 that a RE movie was coming. They went with a different story then the videogame with one similarity…a virus escaped from an Pharmaceutical Companies underground facility that turned everyone into flesh eating zombies. They went with a different story so they can attract a broader audience and give the gamers something new to see rather than watching what the already played. And it was great; seeing a Licker on screen, the laser room, and Zombie dogs.

Then they released RE: Apocalypse and I was excited to see scenes from the RE 3: Nemesis the videogame reshot for the big screen, Jill Valentine in her RE3 skirt, and Nemesis’s makeup was great but alas…Nemesis himself was a bitch with minor killing (only killing the S.T.A.R.S. team in 45 seconds with a chain gun) and at the end remembering Alice was his friend from the first movie and helping her and I was left with a feeling of disappointment. it was great seeing all those things and watching the root story from RE3 unfold with Jill, the now T-virus infused Super Alice, and couple other survivors trying to escape the now zombie infested Raccoon City that Umbrella quarantined.

 A couple years later in 2007 Extinction came out and again I was happy to see things from the game like Tyrant, infested Crows, and the Super strong zombies they encounter in Vegas which is what I would consider the “Crimson Heads” from the Resident Evil remake for the Nintendo GameCube. We also get to see Albert Wesker for the first time. The story was mediocre; the world has been laid to waste and is a barren waste land, we meet up with Carlos and LJ from Apocalypse. They are traveling with a group of survivors made up of Claire Redfield, a girl named K-Mart, and others not worth mentioning because they die. Umbrella is trying to replicate the Alice DNA so they can perfect the T-virus even though the world is completely dead. Why would they try creating a BOW for a dead world.

*SPOILERS* And finally that brings us to Afterlife… where do I start. Well I guess I should answer the question as to why the history lesson. And here is why, with each movie they slowly dissolve more of the story and show more monsters from the game. In this installment, Alice fights Wesker who is Super Human like in RE: Code Veronica and RE5. We meet Chris Redfield, and some zombies can open there mouths like Predator can as seen in RE5. We meet the Axe Man from RE5…the dogs can split themselves in practically in half like in RE5…we see the Controlling devices as seen in RE5...ugh are you seeing a pattern here. It feels if they wrote the story around these creatures. The stories in these movies are being put on a back burner so the gamers can see the monsters they fought in the game. Those who have not played the game are left with a hollow story with monsters they know nothing of or where they came from. There is no character development except for the introductions told in the movie so you know who is who but what’s the point, you don’t care whether the characters live or die. The fight scenes areare shot in slow motion…which makes the frantic what should be heart pounding action turn into watch grandma climb the stairs with a walker.  And you’re left with an ending that’s suppose to have a twist as character returns and if you haven’t played RE5 you would go….and the point is.

Cool Moment:   Watching Zombies and the Axe Man getting killed with quarters shot from a sawed-off.

Final Thought:  If you feel the need to see this one…then by all means……but I would wait to see it when it hits the $5 bin….or better yet just play the games…you won’t see Alice BUT at least you get more in-depth story, character development, and scares.

I give it 1½ Cherry Cheese Danishes

Black Dynamite: Black explotation done right

Tagline:           He’s a powder keg of black fury that’s about to explode

Starring:          Michael Jai White, Obba Babatunde’, Kevin Chapman, Tommy Davidson, Richard Edson, Arsenio Hall, Darrel Heath, Buddy Lewis, Brian MCnight, Byron Minns, Phil Morris, Miguel a Nunez Jr., Nicole Ari Parker, Salli Richardson-Whitfield, and John Salley.

Plot:                 Set in the 1970’s it follows the bad ass adventure of ex CIA, Vietnam vet, and pimp Black Dynamite as he uses his Kung Fu and swagger to crack down on dope selling crackers dealin to orphans, protecting the streets from tainted Anaconda malt liquor, and fighting the honkey all the way at the top.  

My Take:         As a spoof of all the Black Exploitation or Blaxploitation  films of the 70s, more famously Shaft, where it had heavy black stereotypes while having a mostly black cast usually in conflict with a white antagonist. Well this movie is no different but as a parody of all of them it pulls it all off perfectly. Between the Kung Fu, The action, and the dialogue, everything is delivered in perfect time . It has the slightly gritty look a lot of Blaxploitation films have. It even comes with the “Dynamite” jingle every time he does something BA. Every joke, every comical action scene is a done is such a way where you don’t feel like you’re watching a parody. For an example, While you’re watching Naked Gun, Hot Shots, or Kung Pow: Enter the Fist when a comical line is delivered or some silly action scene happens, they may stop the action and look at the camera and make a funny face. While watching Black Dynamite you will notice they won’t do that. I guess what I am trying to say is that they keep it serious while spoofing a whole genre of film.

                        As a side note: while watching it you get the sense that they had an a lot fun making this film. Not like most comedies where you watch it and because it’s a comedy you know they had fun on the set but still it lacks the character and heart per say. But with Black Dynamite you get the feeling that there was for a lack of better term a lot of soul put into this film. And I think that’s why it works so well.

Memorable

Quotes:           Black Dynamite: I think you're running a temperature. Let me see if I can find a thermometer for you.
[unzips pants]    

                        Black Dynamite: Your knowledge of scientific biological transmogrification is only outmatched by your zest for kung-fu treachery!

                        Black Dynamite: Ain't nothin' in the world get Black Dynamite more mad than some jive ass sucka dealin' smack to the kids!

                        Black Dynamite: Who the hell is interrupting my kung fu?

                        Black Dynamite: I guess you forgot about the time you and Bravo company left my black ass for dead, huh? But I remember. I remember everything. I remember Vietnam like it was yesterday. I remember that village in Tainan that we cut down. It was a massacre. All the dead Chinamen we left in our tracks. I remember the faces, the children. This one child I'll never forget. Poor little bastard was still alive. His little Chinese legs were blown clean off! Still see his little shins & feet hanging from the ceiling fan across the hut. He was charred from his head down to his little Chinese knees. He tried to get up, but he fell over when what was left of his right leg broke off. As he laid there, flat on his face, he looked up at me. His little Chinese eyes burned right into my stomach, deep into my soul. He said something to me in Chinese like, 'Boo coo sow!', sounded like some cartoon shit. But I understood it to be a question that he was asking me. And I don't have to know how to speak Chinese to know what that question was. 'Why, Black Dynamite? Why?'

                        There are so many more but to type them all out….hell I would be typing practically the whole movie.

Favorite

Fight Scene:     The Bar Room fight where Bullhorn slaps the thug, and then a bad edit occurs and you a see a stunt double standing in place of the thug and they re-shoot the fight scene.

Final Thought:   Grab hold of some of your jive talkin brothas, some Anaconda Malt Liquor, and some Waffles. Prepare for some laughs and some Kung Fu action and treachery. As Black Dynamite Explodes with black fury from your TV

                        I give it 5 out of 5 Cherry Cheese Danishes

LAST EXORCISM: Recycles and adds upon the mocumentary

The last exorcism...a mocumentary about a preacher who doesnt believe in exrocism is a blast of classic horror...that means the bare minimal of CGI. now im not sure about you guys but I am sick of horror movies using CGI to make the movie. now I am not knocking CGI I believe it is a valuable tool to enhance the movie but when it is used too much it takes me out of the movie.

Anywho...its good to see an exrocism movie use a sense of realism. now I enjoyed the Exorcist: The Beginning or Exorcost: Dominion or what ever its called now but when the possessed lady climbing on walls...come on. And the Exorcism of Emily Rose was good especially finding out  that it was based on a real life exorcism that took place back in 1920 in Germany. Now as I said  this is shot in a mocumentary style like the Blair Witch or Quaratine. And much like Blair Which it has several no name actors (though the preacher I did see on an episode of Burn Notice) which gives it scooch more realism which adds to the fear. I mean lets face it if Tom Cruise, Ryan Reynolds, or Seth Rogen was the main character it just wouldnt be the same. It does have the shaky camera at times but its used in a manner of disorientation which leads to the climax and also doesnt lead to motion sickness.

Now onto the meat and potatoes of the movie. As I said above it follows the preacher Cotton Marcus who believes exorcisms are shams and performs a show of them to "pay the bills" and decides to make the documentary to show that its a sham and after he reads about a exorcism that goes wrong and a boy is killed. Through out the movie ot follows his search for answers as to whats going with the young girl he is hired to exorcize but is it somethign far sinister or just a psychological issue...well sadly im not gonna tell you.

But what I will tell you is that the Last Exorcism is worth the 10.25 to see it or teh 9.50 if you go to latham (which i recommend saying that it doesnt have special sound effects). But much like a titty bar you leave satisfied but you still want a little more.

TICKS aka INFESTED: what happens when the juice meets ticks

Tagline: Something hungry is about to hatch

Starring: Seth Green, Alfonso Ribeiro, Rosalind Allen, Clint Howard, Peter Scolari

Plot: Holly Lampert (Rosalind Allen) and Charles Lampert (Peter Scolari) take a group of street teens to the woods so they can escape the mean streets of LA but unbeknownst to them there are a pot growers that are using a liquid steroid to help speed up the growth of the pot and some of that botanical roid drips on some tree ticks and just like the TMNT they mutate in size and become super strong killing machines in a tick shell (lame I know)

My Take: Ticks is a movie I tried to get for a while because I am always a fan of the classic horror movies bad or good, and and this one has always lived in infamy to me since I could remember. I was lucky to find this rare title at a flea market I attended recently cause I didnt want to spend the $20 for it on VHS on amazon...true story check it out. So when I saw i,t I gobbled it up like a pacman eating power pellets. anywho I digress. With the director of Hell Raiser II at the helm you know its gonna be a good creepy bloody mess. Now when it comes to the special effect being that it was from 1993 not all of it stands up to todays standards, it does however maintain its entertainment factor. The tick special effects are funny when they skamper about. They sound like stewie griffins pitter patter. Im a huge fan of all the goo and slime in the movie they used a good amount of it to create the sacks the Ticks hatch from. The make up effects in the infected people is still good and can still compare to some of the horror movies today...if it was a movie done today it would be CGI and look fake. The only special effect I was not a fan of was the sillouette of the trees and cabin with the fire laid behind it. I was happy to see Ron Howards less famous brother in it. The majority characters are forgettable since they are very cliche to every early 90s street tough character. It is strange to see Alfonso play a teen from the streets since all i see him as Carlton from Fresh Prince and the voice of Roland Jackson in the short lived TV series Extreme Ghostbusters. The other characters have little parts and I feel that the only reason why they were added was to fill screen time and add to the gore. Other wise it would have 6 characters and then who would they kill. How ever I feel like it was cut short at the end since it ends abruptly.

Favorite Part:  the enterance of the Queen Tick

Favorite Death: Clint Howards

Final Thought: If your looking for a classic slime filled bloody good time then give this one a gander you wont be disappointed...so get yourself some popcorn your favorite movie beverage and settle yourself in for the infestation.

Paranormal Activity 2: Sequel thats a prequel and a sequel.....WTF?

Tagline:    N/A

Starring:    David Bierend, Brian Boland, Molly Ephraim, Katie Featherston, Seth Ginsberg, Sprague Grayden, William Juan Preito, Jackson Xenia Prieto, Micah Sloat, Vivis Cortez.


Plot:             In this prequel, we meet Katie’s family which installs CCTV cameras into their home when they believe that their house has been broken into. But oh no my friends…its not hoodlums. We finally get to find out what the entity is and why it is plaguing this all American family…we find out…what’s the dillio


My Take:    As a fan of the original, and I know not many people liked the original and I think it’s because we are desensitized and need to see everything now…but ill save that for another day, I found myself not as scared watching this prequel sequel that turns into sequel as I was watching the first. Yep I admit it, I got scared watching the PA. But in PA2 I just sat looking for the next “spooky ” thing to happen. And that’s because the first movie set up all the gags and neat tricks to spook and scare you. PA2 reuses all of those gags you end up in every scene expecting something to happen and usually it does...even the timing is predictable.  And because they recycled all the tricks from the first movie nothing is new and you don’t get that eerie feeling.
                      *SPOILER*The first movie used that one bedroom camera and the POV shots from the other camera to establish a feeling of actually being in the house. It used darkness and character acting to create an amazing feeling unease and pants staining moments…you got to admit Katie walking around in a trans and standing over Micah…and the one second her voice changed and stared at the camera….holy crap that was crazy. PA2 they reused dragging screaming Mom who then gets possessed (which is not as good as PA). The brief glimpse of a demon face when the mom attacks. Obviously the moving furniture and of course the shadows. The moments with the baby I found unnerving …but I blame that on being a new dad.  But again it doesn’t have the same magic as the PA. But if you think about it…if they took it in a different direction and steered away from the voyeurism we are accustomed to with these movies, we would end up with another Blair Witch 2: Book of shadows and that would be… well…….tragic

Eye Brow Raising Moment: *Spoiler* When the Nanny plays the role of Tangina in Poltergeist and knows there are shenanigans going on and gets fired the moment she tries to help…stupid dad.

Final Thought:  Though not as good as the original it is still a good flick to watch. I would wait till DVD though to watch it cause it does answer questions that PA didn’t answer. So get it in RedBox, On-Demand or however you get your new releases from order a pizza and enjoy the movie. Oh and its ok to turn the lights off while watching it.   I would give it 3 out of 5 Cherry Cheese Danish’s.